Life has a funny way of telling us off. I planned my time out perfectly. I'd move in with my parents and work my face off until the hopeful move to Wichita Falls. I planned to date around, meet new guys, have fun, nothing serious. Then Matt came along and threw a wrench in it all. After our first date, I knew there was something super special about this guy. The fact that he was willing to take things slow and really let me soak it all up was a major plus for me. Our first kiss, as he likes to say, "sums up everything about us". That kiss lasted forever, and when we'd step back from each other, we just had to dive back in for more. We were slow and deliberate, none of that over-sexed-irrational-lip-placement for us. It was deep and sweet. His hands touching my face and neck causing my knees to quake.
Today, I decided to be 12 years old again. I told him "While I know I can't shout it from the rooftops, tell my entire family about you or even be completely open with everyone because I know they'll freak since I'm still married; I want to be with you. I just, I want to know, I mean..... Would you like to be my boyfriend???" I began blushing because he suddenly started laughing which caused me to giggle like crazy and cover my fear to hide my embarrassment. He said "Of course I would. I'm not laughing at you, by the way. I'm laughing at the whole situation and how cute you are. That's THE cutest thing I've EVER seen before." This all happened in the middle of a kind of loud pizza place. I'm such a dork, haha. :) After pizza (amazing Steak and Cheese with horseradish sauce) we went to my absolute favorite playground (EVER) and talked. We really got a lot out on the table and it was refreshing. This particular playground seems to make the feelings and deep intellect just come flying out. We sat on the equipment and talked about "us" and worries, etc. Then we hopped on the swings. I've been saying that I just need to swing, for awhile now. I've just not gone and done it. I'm so thankful I was able to tonight. I've found that swinging is my favorite mind-clearing activity. All you have to do is, pump, push, breathe and let the wind fly through your tresses. I love to focus on the stars and just go, trying my hardest to reach them.
We talked while sitting on the swings and I told him about how insane and dysfunctional my family is. He told me how great and normal his family is. I've never had "normal". His dad is buying him his car, his parents are paying for his school. I started working at 14 to help with bills and keep my dad from having to spend his money on clothes and school supplies for me. Yes, mom and Rick have helped me financially when I first moved out, but that's only because they had inheritance money. I paid for my '96 Geo Tracker and I recently paid off my '04 Chevy Aveo. I think I have an idea about why his mom isn't a big fan of mine. She knows I'm not from money and I think she worries I'm going to use her son for his/their money. I couldn't care less about money or things.
I'll admit though, I felt quite simple and unsure of myself after learning more about his family and what his parents have done for him. I don't have money. I have almost no money. Everything I own, aside from clothing and a few key items I have, are in storage in Abilene being paid for by Allen. I'm feeling somewhat strange. When it comes to clothes, I own one (1) pair of jeans that actually fit and about 4 tops that actually fit. Everything else in my closet are far too big for me. I wear them though, because I have nothing else to wear. Therefore I look dumpy half the time and the other half of the time, I'm wearing the same 4 shirts constantly. Matt says he wants to take me shopping. I was flattered and slightly weirded out by that. Now I know that I REALLY can't except that, as badly as I want to. I'd feel like a charity case/a gold digger. I'm neither of those things. *sigh*
I need to get out of my head and stop worrying about everything. It'll all work itself out. In the meantime, I'm going to bask in the happiness that is having a new boyfriend. :)
E
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