*sigh* I love my job. My job is gong to be my career. I may not continue with Jason's Deli in 5 years, but I'll be managing restaurants and hopefully one day owning my own. This is the path I've chosen for my life. Lots of travelling and being uprooted.
So, if this is my choice and what I really want, why am I so damn attached? It's eating me up inside that we're going to call it quits once I move. I know that neither of us can handle this distance. I also know that we both are extremely attached and really want this to work. I adore him. I'm going crazy thinking about all of this. I try to talk to him and he's not available. He tends to shut down when he gets sad. Maybe "shut down" is the wrong term. He shies away. He's pulling away now and it's breaking my heart.
I just found out today that I may be leaving in 2 weeks. That kills me for 2 reasons. A) I won't get to have my weekend with him. B) I don't feel that I'll be ready to handle the state of that store in only 2 weeks. That 3rd week was going to really get me prepared. That 3rd week was also going to allow he and I to spend time together, with no interruptions and really discuss our situation.
I'll find out in a few days, which is insane for another reason. I need to have an exact date so that I can tell the apt complex. I need to be able to make my deposit as well as pay my rent up front. They're killing me with this crap. I'm thankful though, My Jamesy and BJ have both promised to help me move, as long as I'm moving during the weekend. I REALLY hope it's during the weekend that I move. I'll be insane otherwise, trying to move all by myself. Not cool.
"You so know me, pinch me gently, I can hardly breathe."
He is We is one of my new favorite bands just for the fact that her voice makes me melt. Her harmonies make my soul leap forth in happiness, even though they're minor chords (my favorite chords of all!) I've decided that minor chords make for the most beautiful melancholies. I'm feeling rather melancholy, therefore it's quite fitting.
Signing off...
Me
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